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Edward Shit-hands, a frustrated teenager that unfortunately had balls of sloppy shit instead of hands. He lived in a castle that used to be kept in pristine shape, but now has succumbed to being coated in shit. Edward meets a women named 'Peg' who is sympathetic to Edward, and helps to clean the shit off of Edward, at the sacrifice of the blouse she was wearing. She only vomited 4 times. Edward enjoys a car ride that ruins perfectly good leather seats, and then arrives at Peg's home, where he excitedly coats the walls with shit. Somehow he got shit in a locked trophy cabinet. He falls in love with Peg's daughter, Kim, whom he instantly coats in shit. He has a unique skill of making shit drawings, and soon the entire town is coated in Edwards shit drawings. But everything goes wrong one night. He gets ready for bed by scrubbing his teeth with shit, dragging shit down the hallways, shitting in the toilet, but then he trips. His hand/ball of shit is now in his mouth. He chokes, and dies. The ambulance crew member was quoted: 'It was just a shitty night for Edward Shit-Hands'

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